Of course I was doing it for you
by Rivrom18
Summary: Set in-between and after episode 32. Some Carmilla/Laura & Hollstein romance/angst. This is what happens when I can't wait until Thursday. UPDATE: decided to make it a two-shot because episode 33 needs to be different!
1. Carm

**Set in-between and after episode 32. Oh, dear…it really killed me. And I can't wait until next Tuesday!**

**DISCLAIMER: First fanfic ever, so I have very low expectations towards reception, no worries!**

"You've made yourself clear." Carmilla answered, her cringing teeth stopping her from jumping at the Dean. It hurt her eyes to look at Laura's with such hate, but she kept reminding herself it was not her at that moment.

"I sure hope so." With that she started to take off the necklace… "Now, be quick, catch." And so does Carmilla, even though Laura was falling on her soft bed, Carmilla's touch sure facilitated her return.

"Laura, Laura, hey!" It was a huge relief to have her back. Laura was shifting and all the vampire could do was give her the most endearing and worried look, waiting for a word—or any sound to come out of the girl's mouth.

"Carm—what the…?"

_Carm._ This sent shivers down Carmilla's spine and took her all kinds of off guard. "Hey, you're fine." The words came out softer than intended—broken and vulnerable, but that was the least of her worries. Her eyes and hands were still delicately laid on Laura as she sat up on the bed, keeping her in place, making sure she was safe. Not only to bring Laura back but also herself. She needed Laura's touch, Laura's eyes, Laura's words, she needed her world. Those five minutes with her mother disoriented her and took her to a very dark place. But Laura was the answer, she always has been.

Carmilla could have been in this position for much longer but a flicker of consciousness woke her up to explain what happened to Laura—or at least a nicer picture of what happened. "It was—" or lie, she could also lie. "The necklace, it was just a trap from my mother. It was poisoned, but we got it off in time." She regretted it immediately, but she couldn't let her world slip away that fast—not now.

"Your mom plays dirty. Man, she is gonna be so done when you show up so righteous with that sword." The hope in the girl's voice and eyes made Carmilla's heart sting, but she really wasn't ready to shove that away, so she looked away.

"Yeah, I don't think she's expecting anything like that." Carmilla responds in a deflated, monotone voice. Although that was effective for lying, it wasn't very effective for hiding what was happening in her head. She could feel Laura's eyes on her. How could she tell there was something wrong already?

"Carm…" _Again._ Laura had no idea how that word was upsetting the vampire. "What's wrong?" There was an involuntary flinch from Carmilla when Laura tried to touch her arm that further confirmed something did happen while she was gone. "Did I—did something happen to me?"

"What?" Carmilla asks incredulously, still not looking at Laura in the eye.

"Well, you can't even look at me right now. The last thing I remember is the necklace burning on my chest and someone—God, did your mom possess me or something?"

Carmilla couldn't lie again. She worked up the courage to glance down at Laura's eyes and tell her. "Yes. She was here." As soon as the last word uttered from Carmilla's mouth Laura got up and started pacing across the room. Partly thinking about what might have happened between her and Carmilla and—were their plans ruined?

"Does your mom know then?" That was her first theory, Carmilla's body language indicated bad news and she wanted to know.

"I'm not sure." Another lie. As she crossed her arms in question, was trying putting up her defenses while she came up with more unwanted lies.

"What did she tell you then?" By this time Laura stopped and tried to reach to Carmilla again, this time being successful. The vampire felt grounded again, and she decided to not be so unfair to the girl.

"_'Stone cannot love flesh'_" She echoed her mother's words without even thinking which direction that might lead.

"What does that mean?" It was certainly an answer Laura wasn't expecting.

"My mother thinks I'm a diamond, but I'm actually a monster." And while she wasn't expecting that either, she decided to put a stop to that nonsense rambling before it went to a dark place. She didn't want Carmilla in a dark place, ever.

"Carm…what are yo—"

"Stop calling me Carm!" She realized it came out harsher than she meant it to be and decided to apologize "I'm sorry, cupcake. I'm still a little shaken."

"_Carmilla_, talk to me." Laura sat on the bed again and placed two hands on Carmilla's, which seemed to calm down the latter. Then she tried to guide Carmilla to look at her, which she did. Their gazes were thick with sentiment, Laura's full of worry, and Carmilla's full of guilt. She can't lie, even when she has her world holding her hands right now; she has to tell her the truth. Otherwise, it will be more than unforgivable.

"My mother does know about our plan. She knows all of it." And it's the vampire who let go of the girls hand before she could.

Laura tried to drink it in. If the Dean knew about everything there was no plan anymore. Unless they can take her by surprise. Unless Carmilla has a different plan. "What? What are we gonna do about this then?"

"Nothing." Carmilla exhales recalling the conversation with her mother a few minutes ago. She was very clear, if either interfere with her plan Laura would seize to exist—her world would seize to exist.

"What?" She felt disappointed. The chivalrous knight she thought Carmilla was disappeared. She couldn't understand how before the incident happened the vampire was more than ready to sacrifice her life to help all of those girls. Now they were at the very beginning again. No game plan, but Laura wasn't, by any means, going to take that.

"Nothing, cupcake." She repeated.

"No, stop right there. We're not giving up." Laura decided to be persistent, because maybe Carmilla needed a little convincing, like she always did.

"It's all doomed. That's all we had." It sickened Carmilla how much she's disappointing Laura right now. She thought so high of her just a few minutes ago, and all she seems to be doing now is bouncing Laura back and forth into a wall. She's full of hope and wants Carmilla to see that too...unfortunately that wasn't the case. Carmilla wanted to turn down that flame.

"And that can still happen." But Laura didn't want to give up on her.

"No." And Carmilla felt nauseous all of the sudden.

"Why not?"

"My mother..." She once again tried to look at Laura and everything was spinning around her. That intense look of wonder pierced her insides, but she couldn't look away either.

"What else about your mother?" Laura tried again.

"She..." Carmilla also tried, but she couldn't find words. And silence made its way between both of them. Uncomfortable and piercing silence.

On Carmilla's end, she didn't know what she was doing. She didn't know if she was going to tell the truth, tell more half or complete lies. If she continued, she couldn't leave anything out...because Laura will ask for everything—she will meddle, that's what she does. Laura was still so confused as to how that chivalry roommate was giving up so fast. She needed to know what was that sudden change of mind all about.

"Carmilla, what's going on?" Laura made the vampire come back again when she put a hand on Carmilla's shoulder. She needed to tell her everything.

"I made a deal." That is all she could get out of her mouth at the moment. But that was not enough. It was never enough for Laura.

"What deal?" _Silence. _All the vampire could do was helplessly look at Laura in the eye and hope she doesn't have to speak anymore. But that's certainly not the end. "Carmilla, what deal did you make?"

"I—I _traded_ you." That didn't help the situation. It sounded so wrong coming out of Carmilla's mouth, like her old self, and she hated herself for it.

"You _what_?" Laura's voice was high-pitch now, clearly irritated. The word baffled her as it did to Carmilla. It all sound dehumanizing, as if she was some piece of land or animal. However the point in question wasn't the word, but the action behind it. What kind of trade?

"She was going to waltz your body up to the sacrifice and I couldn't let her, creampuff!" She clearly felt Laura's poison and tried to find a way to clear that misunderstanding. Even though she's been roaming around for a few centuries now, Carmilla still isn't the wisest in her choice of words sometimes

"You traded me for what, Carmilla?" But she got that the word wasn't the point either. Laura wanted to know what ridiculous trade she made with her mother. Laura wanted to know whatever she did was worth her still sitting where she was—or living for that matter.

"Kirsch."

It took two seconds for Laura to process the name. She was confused because the Dean took a boy instead of a girl. She was confused because of what this deal meant. She was confused because Carmilla suddenly got so little in front of her.

"_Laura…_" Carmilla was shaking under Laura's now confused gaze. As the girl sat up and looked at the vampire for confirmation, Carmilla was only becoming smaller and smaller. She knew Laura wouldn't like it. She was letting her world either take her hands or drop them, metaphorically.

"You let her take Kirsch? I should have been me!" As much as Laura was afraid of the Dean, after LaFontaine, she was set to not let anyone else fall her hands...even if that meant going in herself.

"No, it should have not._ Laura_…"

"That's twice now. You must have a great explanation ahead. You let them take poor, innocent Kirsch?" She was baffled at how Carmilla up to this point didn't understand her point of view. When she went to the Library with LaFontaine, how she has been failing this whole semester for the sole reason of wanting to save the world—for once. To be someone important. Laura was now doubting Carmilla's selflessness. How she could do something so cold as to treat Laura like bait. "Traded me as _bait_?"

"I told you, I'm a monster." The words rang loudly in Laura's ears. As much as that sounded appropriate to describe Carmilla's actions, she knew there was something else behind her actions. There had to be.

"I just don't understand how you would do something like this, Carmilla! After all we've been through!"

"That's exactly why!" Carmilla's voice was cracking, but was also defying Laura. So she fought back.

"You weren't thinking about anyone else in here!"

"I was saving _you_, Laura. _I was doing it for you!" _Carmilla said it so fast Laura thought she might have missed words. But that was it. Laura remembered. She remembered something bigger was happening right before her body was taken. Carmilla dropped the world to her right before she lost consciousness, and she somehow forgot about it.

"Of course you were." Her features soften. She tried to recall how she felt about this confession before being taken away. Did she even have time to feel anything? She did, and it all came crashing into her.

"I'm sorry; I'm not the hero here. But if I could choose to do this again, I would do it—I would save you again and again and aga—"

"I don't need saving, Carmilla." It was confusing whether that maddening feeling belonged to what Carmilla had originally done, or if it was because of the plethora of questions coming to her mind at the same time. What does this mean?

"Oh, yes, you do. Bad things happen when you go meddling around like a child." She sounded just like her mother it made her sick all over again. She didn't know what position to take anymore.

"But that has also brought us answers. If I can provide that sacrifice..."

"Stop being such an idiot."

"Tell me then." This was said in such a soft and different tone from the defying Laura that it could only mean one thing to Carmilla. Laura wasn't talking about the sacrifice, or about Kirsch, or about her chivalry, or about her...she was talking about Carmilla. The look on her face only confirmed to the vampire Laura really did pinpoint their little exchange right before she was taken.

She was suddenly very aware of her surroundings. She was aware of Laura's agitated pulse. She was aware of her touch when Laura reached for her arm to try to ground her again. She was aware of the squeaking sound the floor was making as Laura moved closer to her. She was very aware of Laura's pair of eyes reaching out to hers.

"Tell you what?" Carmilla's look expressed confusion but she clearly knew what Laura meant.

"What is this?" She gestured both of them "What is happening?"

"I don't know." And in all honesty, she didn't. How could she? When all of the sudden when she half confesses her love for the girl, her mother happens to show up to break all that away. None of the circumstances were in her favor, so she didn't know what was happening exactly or what will happen. She had no words to describe what was exactly happening.

"_Carm..._"

"I told you, don't call me—" Before she could finish Laura leaned in to kiss her and everything turned blank. She was too stunned to respond for a second, but once one of Laura's hand ran through her hair, it was a cue that needed reaction. However, she stopped Laura on her tracks by grabbing both of her arms tightly, as if she were holding the weight of the world with them, to move a few inches away and look at her in the eye. "Laura, _don't be an idiot._" Her voice was pleading for Laura to back off. If she moved closer there was no turning back. But that didn't mean Laura didn't want that to happen.

"You stop being the idiot. I'm trying to make it easier for you." To the best of her ability, Laura placed her right hand over Carmilla's cheek for a moment before the latter put it away.

"None of this is easy." The edge of desperation in her voice stung Laura, but she wasn't about to give up either.

Is not that Carmilla wanted her away from her, but she _needed_ her away from her. She needed Laura to back away before Carmilla gave all of her in the next possible kiss. So she let her go, but all of the sudden as her hands were not holding Laura's arms anymore, the girl took the advantage and traded positions with Carmilla. And it's then when the vampire gave in. There was no way Laura would back off at this point. Carmilla learned that when Laura wants something, she will fight to get it...figuratively, since she was a prisoner of her arms now. And quite honestly, she was just tired of repressing her feelings.

"Only because you think too much..." Once again Laura leaned in, harder...and Carmilla responded immediately without even thinking. Her hands found Laura's hips and with both battling for dominance they moved back and forth the room, their lips never separating.

"You. Were. Doing. It. For. Me" Laura said between kisses. Soon enough they went and slammed their bodies through every side of the room until finally landing on Carmilla's bed.

Carmilla stole one last look at Laura before continuing on professing her wordless emotions. "Of course I was doing it for you, cupcake." And with that leaned in again.


	2. I trust you

**As I believe many of you feel, Episode 33 was heart-breaking...which sort of inspired me to re-write the episode while working with last chapter.**

They kissed until their lips felt numb. Carmilla was a teenager all over again and she was more than okay with it. After looking at each other for a long while, they decided to fall asleep enjoying each other's company—holding each other's hand.

Not surprising, Laura is the first one to wake up. When she looks at the clock she sees only a couple of hours have passed since the confrontation. It's still the afternoon, so she went ahead and carefully let go of Carmilla's hand to sit in front of her computer to try to start her Literature paper, which is due in a few days.

When she turns it on, she finds an alert window that read: "Not enough space on disk. Try again later." She forgot to end her recording from earlier, plus all of her past videos were finally enough to exhaust her computer. She chuckled to herself before going through those.

First, she decided to check her latest video carefully, because even though Carmilla already explained herself, she was still curious about the exact happenings, and of course she needed to edit it. Laura fast-forwarded until when she knew she was out of it and pressed play.

_"Hello mother."_ She jolted at the loud volume and found a pair of earbuds so she didn't wake Carmilla up. Her eyes were fixated on the screen, feeling worse every passing second.

"Laura?" Said Carmilla confused when she noticed she was alone on the bed, but Laura didn't hear her. The lack of response made her slightly panic, so she sits up to roam the room. Her eyes were met with the back of Laura's head and the computer screen playing what she immediately recognized as the altercation with her mother._ Dammit._

Carmilla got up and tried to get Laura's attention by taking off one of her earbuds, which caused her to jump of her seat. "Laura…" Started the vampire with an exasperate voice. She clearly knew what was coming.

"I needed to delete some videos because I was out of memory." Her voice was full of bitterness and Carmilla wanted nothing more than to shut her up.

"What is it?"

"You didn't do anything to help him, Carmilla. You did nothing!" Laura's eyes were now on Carmilla's and this is all it took to give her a massive headache. Not her, she couldn't handle have Laura go against her. This couldn't be happening right now.

"I thought we talked about this..." She won the first confrontation, but now wasn't so sure about this one.

"I thought that your trade situation went a little differently. That you were backed into a corner."

"I—I was!" Carmilla was appalled by the accusation nonetheless.

"It doesn't look like it. It mostly looks as if you were just handing him out." The main thing that triggered Laura's disappointment was that the Carmilla shown in the video wasn't one she recognized…or at least hasn't seen in weeks. She really thought the vampire changed and became more humane—and braver. "Like you just gave up."

She tried to put a hand on Laura's shoulder, only to find it rejected by a strong shove. This made Carmilla draw a few steps back looking hurt. But it also made it look like Laura was right.

Carmilla was starting to get angry. Arguing with a human was a frustrating experience for her, but arguing with Laura was like trying to talk back to a wall.

Like a huge wall that got every hit and returned them with double the strength.

"I've said it before; I would choose you every single time!" Even a romantic gesture can't get past that exasperating wall.

"But that was not the right thing to do."

"There was no right or wrong here. I tried to make her not to be on our throats anymore." This made Laura sit on her bed, still furious at Carmilla. And finally, give them a moment of silence. The vampire didn't take her eyes off of her roommate for a second, trying to decipher what was running through her head.

She replayed the video in her head a couple of times…still not understanding Carmilla's intentions. Still not understanding her inconsideration.

"I honestly can't believe you!" And then she was up again with a new flame in her eyes. "You know how I am. You know I wouldn't have wanted this."

"Which is why I made the decision for you." As soon as she said it, Carmilla regretted it. This is not who she wanted to become. This is not how she wanted to act. Her gaze drifted away from Laura. She didn't want to control her.

"Oh, because being possessed by your mother gives you the right to make my decisions."

"No…" She sighed. No, she doesn't want to do that to Laura. Ever.

"Your mother has been looking for me." Laura was now approaching to Carmilla. "It's me she wants." In less than a second she's met with her roommate's eyes flickering with something she couldn't quite get. "You know I would throw myself as a sacrifice!"

"Yes, I know." Carmilla was still trying to make up that look and—there it was. Determination. That naïve determination of hers.

"In fact, I'm going. I'm going right now." And she was right.

"Laura, no!" As soon as Laura is moving, Carmilla positioned herself in front of her roommate to block her.

"Don't you dare to stop me, Carmilla." Laura was determined and furious, so she tried to push the vampire away. "You don't have a say in this." _Push. _"Not anymore." _Push._ "I want to go, so let me go!" _Push__._ Which turns out to be halfway push since Carmilla grabbed both her arms firmly. Both were now glaring at each other intensely.

Carmilla reached her limit. She was exhausted. She didn't want to fight and she was most certainly frustrated at how Laura seemed to have forgotten everything that happened a few hours ago. She thought Laura was now smart enough to know her limits. She thought she could keep Laura safe. She thought Laura trusted her. Carmilla became disoriented all of the sudden when Laura tried to get away from her grip. Her anger drove her into an unexpected daze, which made her focus in only one thing in front of her. "Dammit, Carmilla, let me—"

She stopped Laura from talking, from pushing her and from breathing…she bit her. She bit Laura but immediately retracted herself in shock. She contemplated on running away but that would only make the whole thing pointless since Laura would just leave when she recovers. So Carmilla backed away to the room's window seat. Knees up with head buried on them. She needed to stop feeling this angry. She needed to stop thinking about Laura's blood. She needed to stop feeling and thinking altogether.

Funny enough, Laura finally understood Carmilla's point. She understood Carmilla had her best intentions when dealing with her mother. For some reason the bite made it clear for her. She didn't take it as a sign of her losing control but a sign of protection…Carmilla would do anything and the best to protect her—even if that meant literally stopping her on her tracks. She knew this wasn't meant to harm her. She knew that the trade was a doomed situation. She knew Carmilla's decision was not lightly taken. She knew Carmilla ran out of ways to be the hero for everyone there…but was able to be a hero for Laura—even if she wouldn't admit that. She tried her best.

"Carmilla?" Laura called as she was approaching the vulnerable vampire and covering her bite marks.

"Stay away." Her husky voice indicated she was crying, and made Laura more nervous.

"What? No."

"I'm serious." Carmilla glanced up, but to look at the floor instead of Laura. "I just bit you." Her face looked destroyed, as if she had been crying for days.

"No, Carmilla, look at me." The girl was now kneeling on the floor so she could meet Carmilla's eyes and get to her level, but the vampire kept looking away.

"I'm sorry. I—I lost control. I…"

"Carmilla, just look at me." And she finally did. It's the most vulnerable Laura has ever seen Carmilla—ever. It broke her heart. "It's fine."

"All I can think of right now is your blood, Laura. It's _not_ fine." Getting a better look, Laura noticed how Carmilla's pupils were dilated with thirst…but she also noticed the vampire was shaking. She decided to take one of Carmilla's hands on her own to try to calm her down.

"I know why you did it, Carm." That same hand reached one of Carmilla's to wipe away the incoming tears, while she freed the other covering her wound to get the opposite side, but before she could get her, Carmilla pulled away.

"You're right in front of me." Every sense was still very sensitive to Laura's presence, but the blood she almost got on her face made her dizzy.

"For you to get over yourself." This was not taken lightly by Carmilla, so Laura earned an annoyed look. "I'm trying to help."

"Not helping." The vampire pointed at Laura's bleeding wound. The girl sighed and went to grab a towel from the bathroom and wiped everything away, while Carmilla was intently following her with her eyes. And after that Laura resumed her position kneeling in front of Carmilla.

"Can I do something?" Her voice was small, but not trembling.

"Sure, Cupca—" After hearing those words, Laura threw her arms at Carmilla and tied her into a tight embrace. This alarmed the vampire since now she not only had Laura looking at her, but her body was right there—he neck was a few inches from her mouth. "Definitely not helping."

"I know why you did it. I was so stupid. I should have trusted you like the first time. I know why you did it." Laura was then trying to catch her breath while stroking Carmilla's back and hair, trying to relax her at her touch. "You know why I'm doing this?" She felt her roommate's head shake in confusion. "Because I trust you." Laura felt sobs coming from Carmilla and soon, fresh tears going across her collarbone.

"You shouldn't trust a monster." Her hunger was somehow disappearing but she could still feel Laura's neck very present in front of her.

"A monster would have already bitten me." She separated for a second to look at Carmilla's glassy, red eyes. "But you're trying your hardest not to. You're not a monster." Then her hands delicately reached Carmilla's face, going through all her features followed by ghost kisses, and after her cheeks, Laura planted a quick peck on her lips, leaving the vampire dumbfounded. "You're not." But with that, Carmilla stood up and was the one to hug the girl without warning.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, without a word, until Laura breathed an "I trust you." In Carmilla's ear. The latter stiffens and separates from the girl to look at her long and hard.

"Do you really trust me?" Laura was about to make a joke out of it, but Carmilla's eyes were still glassy and vulnerable, so she needed confirmation.

"Yes, I do." She put both of her hands on each of Carmilla's shoulders. "I know you're doing _it_ for me, so I'll do _that_ for you." Of course Laura didn't only mean the trade, or Carmilla saving her. She meant everything the vampire has done and will ever do for her. She has never asked for anything in return—until now, which is trust. So Laura, of course, is giving that to her. They're giving each other what they need or even what they don't need, so they embrace it. Carmilla softens her gaze on Laura and pulls her into another long, intense hug. Carmilla felt in control and blissful. Laura might be the one to show her there's still a chance for her after all.


End file.
